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The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:11-12 ESV
As an unmarried woman you're probably wondering what insights I could possibly have on being a good wife. Well even though I may not be married yet, I have read The Bible and have read many books on marriage by Christian authors in preparation for becoming a wife. While I may not be a wife yet I do believe I have some insight on loving your husband well, even when you aren't married yet. Loving your husband while your married is obvious, but some of us don't realize God commands us to love and honor our husbands even before we marry them. While this post may be geared towards single or unmarried women learning how to love their husbands before they even meet them, I believe a married woman can apply these same tips to love their husbands well too.
Tips for Loving Your Husband Well (Even if You Aren't Married!)
- Read The Bible - It's simple, you can't love your husband well if you don't know God well. The easiest way to get to know who God is is to read His beautiful gift of The Word. God is love and knowing Him helps you to love others better. So spend time in His word getting to know Him better, and in turn you will be able to love your husband better. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 ESV
- Keep Jesus at the Center - Loving your husband is so much easier when you keep Christ at not only the center of your marriage, but the center of your life. As unmarried women keeping Christ at the center of our lives helps us not to make a man we are interested in the center of our lives. There can only be one thing at the center of your life, if you make that a man he will mess up at some point. When he does that will shatter you and you will be left with a bunch of pieces to pick up. If you keep Christ at the center then when the man in your life messes up, which even the best Christ-loving husband will, it won't shatter you to pieces. I'm not saying it won't hurt, we're human, but you will turn to Christ to help mend your broken pieces and He will glue them back together with His love. As married women, when you keep Christ at the center of your marriage you will be able to rely on Him to help your love grow. The closer you are to God the closer you will be to your husband. I can't recommend Marriage on the Rock by Jimmy Evans enough! This book helped me learn the best ways to love my future husband and how to have a strong marriage before I even begin one. This book is written for married couples, but I strongly recommend unmarried women read it too! (Shout out to my Grandmother for gifting me this book, Thanks Granny!)
- Keep your Purity - Purity can be such a taboo word in our society nowadays. However, it is something God calls every Christian to married or not. Purity isn't just sexual purity, which is important, but it is spiritual and mental purity too. We are to live holy lives free from spiritual filth, aka sin. Unmarried women, we have to keep our lives set apart from this world. We have to be set apart girls. Leslie Ludy, a woman I greatly admire, wrote a book called Authentic Beauty. This book is all about finding your self-worth in Christ and setting yourself apart for your true prince, Christ, and your earthly prince, your future husband. I found it so hard to set the book down and go to bed at night because I was so enthralled in its pages! I highly recommend you pick up a copy! When you read this book you will learn all about how to keep yourself set apart physically, mentally, and spiritually. Married women, you have to be set apart from this world too! Physical purity may look different for married women, as your only partner needs to be your husband and unmarried women need to have no sexual partner. Your spiritual and mental purity look very much the same as unmarried women though. Keeping your thoughts on pure things, on things above, and abstaining from worldly things that drag us down mentally and spiritually. The easiest way to do this is to stay in The Word! Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8
- Know Your Love Languages - Unmarried women don't skip this point, it's still relevant to you! Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages is one of the greatest resources out there for marriage, in my opinion. Knowing how you feel loved be it acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, or physical touch, knowing will help you be able to let your husband know how he can help you feel loved. Ladies, if you haven't figured this out yet, men can be clueless when it comes to how we feel. God didn't give them the gift of reading minds or picking up on little ques, so we have to let them know! Since letting my boyfriend know my love languages, gifts and acts of service, he has poured into me using those methods and I can't tell you how much our relationship has blossomed! Ladies have your man read the book, or at least take the quiz on 5lovelanguages.com so that you can know how to love them better. If they refuse, then I suggest studying their reactions to each method of showing them love and see what makes them feel loved the most.
- Pray For Your Husband - Pray big, bold, specific prayers for your husband, even if your not married ladies. God is faithful to answer prayers and the more specific our prayers the more apt we will be able to see them answered. Not because God doesn't answer unspecific prayers, but because we are able to recognize the answered prayers more easily. A great book for married women is The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. She gives you specific guidance on how to pray for your husband and includes scripture and sample prayers for you start with, how helpful is that! Now my fellow unmarried ladies, I have a book for us too! I recommend 31 Prayers For My Future Husband: Preparing My Heart for Marriage by Praying for Him by Jennifer and Aaron Smith. This book includes prayers and discusses ways to prepare yourself for your future marriage. It is more geared toward single women but women in relationships or engaged women can benefit from it too!
Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. Ephesians 4:2 NLT
The most important thing you can do in loving your husband well is to love God more than him. The more you love God the more you will love your husband and be able to see past his faults. Single ladies, love your future husband well by focusing on God and keeping yourself set apart from this world. Wait on a man who loves Christ more than he loves you, you won't regret it! Don't settle for a good man who doesn't love God, you will regret that. Marriage isn't meant to be a form of evangelism but a mission field. Married ladies, if you're already married and your husband isn't a follower of Christ don't lose heart! Love your husband because God loves him too; you never know if loving your husband well will lead him to Christ. Married women who are married to Christians, don't get lazy in praying for your husband. Your prayers are so important to his success in life! Loving your husband well will always be the best thing you can do for your marriage.
I hope these tips help you to love your husband better. I also hope they help you to grow closer to Christ, for that is more important than anything else in life. Marriage is such a beautiful institution created by God to represent his love for us!
Married ladies, Do you have any tips for us women who are waiting for our future husbands? How about tips on loving your husband well? My fellow unmarried ladies, do you have any tips for your fellow single ladies on loving your future husband well? Comment below and let us know!